Swimming in the Afternoons would like to apologise for the disgraceful break in-between posts. If it had fans, they’d be deserting in their droves, whatever droves are.
The hiatus is explained by what can only be described as a return to the world of work. After months away, it’s a strange planet to be back on. Some days, I’ve even been out of bed before Mrs Afternoons. Becoming part of society again has proved troublesome, and I’ve often missed my old friends (the toaster, the walk to the newsagent, Cash in the Attic).
It has, though, had its up sides. The return of the Friday Feeling is a good thing; the first week, I nearly even purchased a Crunchie, but then I remembered what a vile specimen of a chocolate bar that is. Biting into one is like getting your gob stuck on a piss-flavoured fibreglass brick. There is, too, a commute to work, meaning time to read, give evils to people with loud-beating headphones and have a rather attractive young woman drunkenly fall asleep on your shoulder. Further, having a sense of purpose that the aim of watching both lunchtime episodes of Seinfeld just can’t give you is pleasing.
With two weeks off now, I’ve the warm feeling of being back among the Daytime Class, my people. When I turned the corner onto Duke Street and saw a woman head-butting the number 49 bus and calling it a fat bastard, I knew I was back among my own. I felt like George Bailey at the end of socialist allegory’s It’s A Wonderful Life.
And now here are some local views from the afternoon:
Missed having you as One of Us. But glad you’re keeping busy.
You may have returned to the world of work, but rest assured you’ll always be unemployable in my eyes luv.
I can’t help but feel an opportunity has been missed here for a two-part television docugasm following you as you make the tentative steps back into society. It could be narrated by Dom Littlewood, perhaps, in an emotional nod to your daytime television days. I wonder what an emotional nod looks like; probably ridiculous.
Hilarious writing sir and, judging by photos, we are nearly neighbours…let’s have that beer?